For my new year resolution, I decided to start practicing meditation.
I've read about it enough, learnt about its benefits, consulted all my friends who've been practicing it for years and heard their testimonies. It's time I get myselt started.
So I subscribed for a year plan of a meditation app on my phone. Registered my account. Filled in all the questionnaires. Set up my goals. Read through all the introductions. And finally clicked "Start" on my first lesson.
It was a 3 minutes guided meditation session.
Easy peasy. I thought.
The hard part was getting started, and I got started. I can do this.
I found a comfortable sitting position. And took deep breaths. "This is relaxing."
1 minute in, my body started to twitch. I wasn't comfortable.
1 minute and a half, I had a sudden urge to get up and wash my face.
When I was at the sink, I had another urge to go through my whole sleep time routine, skin care, brushing my teeth, etc.
At 3 minute mark, my phone ding: "Congratulations! You have completed your first session!"
But I didn't complete my first session. I bailed. I fleed. I gave up. I failed. After only 1 minute in.
What happened?
My friends, I had met again my enemy: Resistance.
I've known Resistance all my life. Only now I am aware what it is and when it shows up.
Just like the natural forces of good and evil, the opposite force of the betterment of ourselves, is Resistance.
Resistance kicks in when we seek to pursue a calling evolves a higher station morally, ethically or spiritually.
Unlike other enemies, we barely even know Resistance exist.
It battles us in our complete ignorance of its attacks.
Though upon reflection, you may most likely to have met Resistance when you attempted these following activities:
1) The pursuit of any calling in writing, painting, music, film, dance, or any creative art, however marginal or unconventional.
2) The launching of any entrepreneurial venture or enterprise, for profit or otherwise.
3) Any diet or health regimen.
4) Any program of spiritual advancement.
5) Any activity whose aim is tighter abdominals.
6) Any course or program designed to overcome an unwholesome habit or addiction.
7) Education of every kind.
8) Any act of political, moral, or ethical courage, including the decision to change for the better some unworthy pattern of thought or conduct in ourselves.
9) The undertaking of any enterprise or endeavor whose aim is to help others.
10) Any act that entails commitment of the heart. The decision to get married, to have a child, to weather a rocky patch in a relationship.
11) The taking of any principled stand in the face of adversity.
In other words, any act that rejects immediate gratification in favor of long-term growth, health, or integrity. Or, expressed another way, any act that derives from our higher nature instead of our lower. Any of these will elicit Resistance.
It aims to kill the epicenter of our being: our genius, our soul, the unique and priceless gift we were put on earth to give.
Unlike in the past, when I was younger and utterly unaware of my enemy.
So unaware that I gave up my hope, dream, and health to Resistance.
And inflicted procrastination, fear, self-doubt and unhappiness upon myself.
This time, I knew Resistance hit me.
Procrastination, like fear, self-doubt, or unhappiness, is an indicator that Resistance is at play.
Like the natural forces of good and evil, the opposite force of our Calling is Resistance.
The more scared or avoidant we are of a work or a calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.
If something is calling you, but the attempt to pursue it leaves you paralised, defeated, it's a good sign. It shows you what you have to do.
Unlike in the past, when I told myself that "I can't meditate", "Everytime I try, I fail"
This time, I am aware that Resistance is present, meaning meditation is a skill that I need to learn on my path towards my calling: "Becoming a soulful artist."
So, I failed my first meditation lesson, but I unlocked session number two. And tomorrow, I'll sit down to try again at learning meditation, and try again to face and fight my inner enemy.
As artists, it is our obligation to enact our own internal revolution. And in this uprising to free ourselves and our own minds, we fight by showing up, facing our fears, and doing the work.
I've come to aware of Resistance thanks to the work of Steven Pressfield "The War of Art". This blog is my reflection on learnings from the first chapter of the book. If you're a would-be artist, visionary or entrepreneur, this book is a gift made for you. It is a peek into a mind full of wisdom throughout years of overcoming creative struggles.
I hope my learnings will also be useful for you to reflect upon your own journey towards your true calling. With this, I wish you a new year filled with new beginnings, and may you succeed at defeating your inner obstacles!
Happy New Year 2023!
From my heart to yours,
Milie
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