I was born in Vietnam and grew up on top of a hill in an outskirt area near Ho Chi Minh City.
My parents were in the military, so we lived in military dormitory. In my memories of childhood, my family was poor, like everyone else back then in a post war economy. My parents worked many jobs. They were chicken farmers, librarian, mechanic, teacher, handcraft workers... Eventually they learned the trade in brick production, and owned their own brick factories when I was about 10 years old. Their factories produced millions of bricks everyday, and for 20 years that was what provided me and my sister with education.
I was taught different forms of art at a very young age. I was very much nurtured creatively in every way that my parents could afford. I used to sing and dance at every school events since kindergarten. I started acting when I was 6 years old and was a theatre kid until I finished high school. I learned to play music, the organ and the drums since 3rd grade. I took dance lessons. I participated in many art and writing competitions. I learned sewing and knitting and cooking and gardening and many other crafts. I wasn't good at all of them. But I was taught with a lot of love and patience.
I think the biggest influence, is watching my father paint growing up. He didn't really paint much. But the few times that he did, I still remember how beautiful his paintings were. He would let me dabble onto his paintings, so I would feel like I finished them.
Naturally I wanted to pursue art for my higher education. But my parents strongly advised against it. They say it's a good hobby, but not a good career. I wouldn't be earning much money, and wouldn't have a good life as an artist.
In Asian culture, parents would save and pay for their children' higher education, and they have a strong say in every future life decision, like what major to study or who to marry. Being young at the time, I didn't really push back and went with what my parents chose for me instead. I had business degree in Commerce, specialised in Management, graduated with Distinction.
Later I learned, that my father also wanted to become an artist when he was young, but his parents forbid it. For a country in war time back then, there were no jobs for artists. For a generation that experienced extreme poverty, my parents chose what they think is best for me. Business had more prospects than creative art.
In university, I stopped acting, dancing, painting, or playing music. I was invested in mastering other social skills, learning business knowledge, trying to navigate independent city life, new friends and relationships.
I wasn't bad at university, but most of my time was spend on outside curriculum activities. One of which was working for a non-profit organisation called AIESEC, which later when I graduated, lead me to a work opportunities to work at the United Nations's Asia Pacific Head Quarter in Bangkok. I moved to Thailand when I was 21 years old, and lived there for 3.5 years as a consultant organising social innovation programs for youth to take action for sustainability.
During my experiences working with the United Nations, I was involved in many creative communication campaigns, from art exhibitions to live performances to visual production, as well as trained to use different innovation tools from the best trainers and facilitators in the region. The art scene in Bangkok is also very vibrant. I felt my creativity was never limited, and along side I learned so much about sustainability, community development and different models to create social impact. I had the chance to travel the world, received guidance and support from my community, and had a platform to share my stories with many others. It was a very empowering and fulfilling experience. I only left because l young soul was hungry for a new land, new experiences, new learnings.
After Thailand, I moved to Malaysia to work for a private consultancy. My roommate and my colleague at the time, Natasha, is an artist at heart. She was a professor in performative art for 18 years. She was passionate, youthful and energised in her body and spirit. Everyday she would teach me about artisan fashion, we would sing on the street, see the best of Kuala Lumpur. She pulled me into her acting classes, inspired me to paint again after years not touching the brush.
It was also in Kuala Lumpur that I started a long distance relationship with my now husband Adam. He was working in Singapore at the time. It wasn't easy for me to be in a long distance relationship, so after 6 months of being together, I quit my job in Malaysia and we both moved to Jakarta, Indonesia to be together.
I continued working on my own social business online. Then COVID-19 happened. We were in Bali for a weekend when locked down started happening. We only had 3 pairs of clothing for each of us and nothing else. We ended up stranded in Bali for almost 10 months. We were fortunate to be sheltered by our friends, locals and peaceful Bali through the pandemic. The sun, waves and greenery of Bali has such healing power that love flows through us with ease and troubles seem distant. I was inspired to be creative again. I painted and wrote songs. We were engaged and then expecting our child not long after.
The birth of my first born son Harry brought immense joy into our lives. It also bring some of the hardest challenges that I have to face. We decided to move to the UK to be close with Adam's parents when Harry was 6 months old. Having lived and moved so many times, I was very confident in my ability to adapt to the new environment. But I underestimated the intensity of life changes that we were going through. I was a first time mom, who gave up my company, moved to a new country with a completely different climate, first time ever so far away from everyone I had ever known.
Despite having a lot of support from my in laws family, I was having an identity crisis.
Who am I when I no longer have an occupation?
Who am I when I no longer have a place of my own?
Who am I when I no longer have my old body?
Who am I when everyone around me are so different?
Who am I when nobody around me know who I am and my stories?
Plus all the challenges of being a first time mom, I needed a rebirth.
It took me 5 months to work on myself and reinvent my identity. In this process, I had to face my deepest fears and trauma, used all my power and strength to heal my inner wounds. I also had a chance to reinvent my passion, to find the spark that would give me true purpose and happiness. I was starting fresh again, and this time I no longer want just another experience. I want to root down deep, and invest in something that I would enjoy doing for at least 10-20 years.
I looked back to my childhood, my first memories of joys, the moments that define and inspire me, the people I look up to and admire. After months of reflection and doing emotional work, the answer came to me from within. I want to become an artist.
Being free to create is what brings my heart joy. It is the same joy that urge a singer to sing, a dancer to dance, a writer to write. I can no longer look away from my desire to be playful and create beautiful things for this world. It is too painful to even consider any other alternative. I am a painter and I have to paint.
But up until this point, I was completely self-taught with no proper professional background in art. To think that I'll have a successful art business right away is arrogant and naive. I knew that it would be a long journey that will require patience and determination for me to learn and excel in a completely new field. But my entrepreneurial self was excited for the challenges.
So here I am, writing to you as an artist at 28 years old. There are so much more in my story that I'd like to share with you, so many realisations and lessons through my journey of self exploration, and there are more to come. I will share all with you through my blog.
If you're reading this sentence, from my heart I would like to send my deepest thank and appreciation, for you to spend the time to get to know me. I hope one day the universe will allow us to meet and I'll get to know you just the same. Until then, I hope my art and stories will keep you company in your journey.
From my heart to yours,
Milie
Comments